A world of regret.

Tuesday March 11th I got a phone call from my husband while I was at work that broke my heart. He had just gotten a phone call from his sister letting him know his mother had passed away sometime that day. Corrine had called her a coupe times that day and couldn't get threw, so finally called the landlord to get her in and found her in her room. She ended up having a heart attack and complete respiratory failure. It seemed so unreal and like my world was all of a sudden in this strange bubble. I drove home in tears and had so many feelings of regret. Why did I not get to now this wonderful women better. Why did I not try harder to have a better relationship with her. We definitely where to very different people. I have always loved her and has always seen the sweet innocence in this women, but I know in my heart I did not open myself up to her, I did not fully welcome her into my life just because we didn't have anything in common. As we are preparing for the funeral I am filled with sorrow as I did not know this beautiful mother to my husband and grandmother to my children as well as I should have. Some wonderful things I did know about Vicki

- she loved her children and grandchildren more then anything.

- she loved reading her scriptures and tried her best to understand and live the gospel.

- she was definitely a girls girl. Pink, jewellery, nails, she loved her girlie things.

- she loved cats, she had a cat "phantom" who lived for I think 18 years or something crazy like that. It was a hard day when Phantom died.

- she loved her diet coke 

- Mark and Corrine have been cleaning out her apartment a bit and she kept everything. Especially notes and letters. Corrine had found a note that she had written to her mom in high school thanking her for the shorts she had boughten for her for gym class.

- She loved watching the news and always had a story to tell me or Mark about the world when we called or visited. 

- she was the sweetest most innocent women I have ever meet. 

As tears fill my eyes as I write this blog post I realize I loved this women even more then I thought. It saddens me so much to think in my time here on earth I will never see her again, never hug her again, it truly doesn't feel real yet. I hope I can live my life better, and be righteous enough to live with her again some day. 

WEEK 2

Week 1 is done and it was almost 100% successful. I spent $97 on groceries, until Saturday night when Mark and I decided to make Sushi, Tempura, and Inari. Having to go and buy the supplies for that definitely put us over our food budget, however we could have gone out and bought it from a restaurant and it would have been more expensive so we still in the end saved. That is my justification. Mark has a challenge at his work for the next 30 days to not eat out once. Spending $100 on groceries every week is great, however if you then go out and eat 3 or 4 times it kind of defeats the purpose of saving money, so these next 4 weeks should be huge savings with groceries and not eating out at all. For the most part I want to also try and include little household things in this budget like wipes, formula, detergent, toilet paper, cleaners, but it is definitely not a must to include it. On Saturday we realized we needed toilet paper, detergent, formula, and dog food so almost $!00 was spent just buying those things as formula was $4 cheaper then usual so I bought 4 of them. The biggest goal though is the less then $100 on groceries and if I can add household stuff as well great, if not I am not going to stress about it. 

Today was great success I bought everything on my grocery list and a couple extras I forgot once I was there that I needed for Macie like crackers and cereal. My total was only $72 dollars.

LESSONS LEARNED

There are so many things I have already learned about being a mom and I have only been doing it for just over two years. I love learning more and more everyday. Most of the things I have learned are more so about me and the kind of person I am, what I need to work on, what I am good at, what I can probably never change no matter how hard I try. I have never found a role more challenging and amazing all at the same time. I remember in the beginning how perfect I wanted to be. No junk food for my kids, only home made treats, never eating out unless it is healthy, no T.V. until she is three, reading for hours and hours everyday, that my child will be put in many extra cirricular activities. Then reality hits and you realize you are not the kind of mom you wanted to become but you are being molded into the type of mother your children need you to be. I remember when I first had Macie and spending hours on pinterest trying to find all the perfect activities to do with Macie so she would learn everything at an excellerated rate, be the smartest kid her age. Then the cardboard letter shape puzzle you spent hours making for you daughter gets destroyed in two seconds cause she finds it funner to pull the velcro off then try and figure out what shape goes where. Then you spend a whole day looking on the internet to figure out how to teach your child about colors and numbers and come up with all these activities, only to have her figure out her colors in pretty much one day and not using any of the activities you found on the internet and yet still can't count to ten no matter how much time you spend with her counting. I still don't understand why myself and so many other mothers put so much pressure on ourselves. I think because I am not this amazingly crafty and creative mother my children will suffer and they won't learn the things they need to learn cause I can't create these cool activities that all these amazing pinterest moms can. I am learning more and more everyday that as long as I love them, spend quality time with them and have patience with them they are getting everything they need. I have learned that somedays you have to throw on a movie cause Wade is screaming or the house is a disaster and company is coming, or sometimes she just needs some time to sit and not think about anything just like we do as adults. I have learned that children will learn at there own pace and when they are ready and wanting to learn something they will learn it. If we push them they will only get frustrated. Some people might think my child is slow because she can barely count to ten, but she is just two and knows her colors 90% of the time. It is so pointless to be in competition with other mothers and there children, it will only add more stress to your life and your child's. I have also learned that my kids will definitely not be put in endless activities. I have done a lot of research and watched many families that have there kids in ten million things and there life is chaos, and then I have watched families that have there kids in nothing and they get so spend so much quality time together as a family. Through my research of articles I have read and observing other families I definitely like the idea of the more quality family time and we can still be super active but it is together as a family and not seperated driving the kids all over the place and doing there own individual activities as mom and dad just watch. I have learned that there are some things I have no patience for, Macie whining, Wade throwing up all day long, and not matter how much I pray for patience in these areas it might be something I can never perfect it will be a flaw I always have. I have learned that I have really good patience when it comes to accidents like cheerios being dropped all over the floor, or a glass of spilled Milk. I have learned that I will always be a working mother, at least two days a week, I sometimes wish that was different and I was one of those mothers that just loved being at home all day long with there kids but I am not, I need some grown up time and time away from my house. I have also learned though that that is OK. There are so many more lessons I have learned, this has been an amazing journey and I truly am excited for the journey ahead and how I will grow and learn so much more from being a mother. The biggest thing I have learned over these past couple of years and I think the most important is that I need to be myself, I need to stop judging myself, I need to be OK with who I am and what kind of mother I am, doesn't mean I can't work at having more patience and learning new things,  reading books at how to love my children more, but it is OK that I am not creative and can't think of cool learning activities, they will still learn it. It is OK that I go to work a couple days a week, it is OK that Macie watches a show now and then, and it is OK if she has a treat or eats french fries as McDonald's, and most importantly that it is OK that all the other mothers out there do it different then me. If we all mothered the same it would be a pretty boring world out there, with a bunch of cookie cuter kids.

WEEK 1

OK so today is my big grocery shopping day. I have $100 in my wallet and my smallest grocery list ever. I started first by going through my cupboards, fridge and freezer and then from there planned out my meals for the week. We have a pretty decent food storage built up and I guess we should start using it. 

Monday- Leftover from Sunday

Tuesday- Shakes and my most favorite salad

Wednesday- Chicken Alfredo and Cesar Salad

Thursday-Leftovers and Shakes if there are not a lot of leftover

Friday- I'm away so Mark will do a frozen Pizza

Saturday- Chicken Meatballs with rice and green beans

Sunday- Leftover

One of the big things I learned in my reasarch is using leftovers more often. Making a little bit extra and eating a little bit less at super time so you can get two meals out of it. Another good tip I learned was the less times you go to the grocery store the less you will waste money on impulse buying. My goal for now is once a week and eventually try and get it to twice a month.

Grocery List

Pineapple
Strawberries
Bananas
Oranges
Peppers
Romain Lettuce
Frozen Mangos
Ground Chicken for Meatballs
Spring salad mix
cucumbers
celery
formula
baby wipes
bread
eggs

Food Budgeting

An area in my life that I have always struggled in is Groceries and finding ways to spend less. I don't really even think about it I just go to the grocery store and buy what I want within reason. There was one time in our marriage almost 9 years ago when we first moved to Lloydminster after Mark was done his summer student job at the weigh scale in Vermilion and he had no job and I had a full time job making $10 an hour and a part time job making $9 an hour. We had rent of over $800 a month a car payment plus all our other monthly expenses, this was the first and last time I did the pull the money out at the start of the month and live only off that for the month. It only lasted about 2 months and then Mark had a full time job and again finances were fine, so back to using debits and not really thinking about how much I am spending and what I am buying. Then two weeks ago Mark was talking to someone in our Branch and he said that him and his wife live off $200 a month for groceries. My jaw dropped, I was in awe, I did not comprehend how this is humanly possibly in Alberta. That is $50 a week for groceries. My goal is to spend no more then $600 a month and I think I hardly ever make that goal. So these past two weeks I have been thinking about it a lot and how if we could spend $100 a week on groceries, $400 a month we could probably save an extra 200 to 300 dollars a month. That is a lot of money and could go to so many things. Saving for family vacations, starting up Wade's education fund as we have not done that yet, or that little extra money every month for when hick ups come into our life. Like Ambulance bills, vet bills from puppies ripped out nail, or annoying things like the shingles blowing of our roof on a crazy windy day and costing over $500 to fix it. I am really excited for this challenge and have been doing lots of research and planning on how to make this goal become a reality. I will let you know next month how it went and how successful we were. Any tips or good advice send my way though I don't mind at all hearing how others have had success with Food  budgeting.

Best yet!!!

Just had my best workout today since getting pregnant with Wade last January. It felt incredible. I was able to push my body hard enough to run 10 KM's in one hour. I can fell my body getting more and more ready every workout for my half marathon. Next Saturday I start my official 12 week training for it. So in 13 weeks from now is the big day.

Some little updates

I know I have been a big slacker on updating on Wade so as we are driving to Edmonton for our family day fun I thought I would write a quick update on this little buddy of mine. 

- he is a rolling machine and goes from stomach to back and back to stomach. He just keeps rolling and rolling.

- He loves playing with toys.

- still spits up all day but is a much happier more content little boy.

- goes to bed between 8 and 9 every night is up at 5 for a quick feed then back to bed till about 8. 

- he has the best smile ever. He gets so into it. 

- looks more and more like Mark everyday.

- doesn't giggle for us a whole lot but loves talking to us and telling us stories.

- has a good set of lungs on him. His cry when he is super upset is beyond loud. 

- loves loves loves snuggles and I love everything about that. 

- has crazy long beautiful eyelashes, lucky kid.

Clifford!!!

Macie's favourite 20 minute shows has finally switched from my little pony's to Clifford and I couldn't be more thrilled. I always let her watch a little show in the morning while I do her hair and then I go and get ready if I am not ready yet. Today when I came downstairs from getting ready I saw this. I thought it was so adorable watching Clifford while snuggling with her favourite puppy. 

Photo Dump

Date night with Macie, we went to the college Basketball game together

torturing the puppies like usual

hello big boy

being silly

she loves coloring on herself more then the paper lately

painting is one of her favorite activities

how adorable are my kiddos

one of Mark's sweet 14 days of Valentines

fell asleep while she was playing in her bedroom

Love his big eyes

go canada

pumpkin pancakes, Macie devoured them. They only have three ingredients pumpkin, eggs, and cinnamon

this girl loves cheese

cheese please

A Rebuttal

OK some awesome things going on right now....

1. I am back at work two days a week. It has been nice to have a little break, a little extra spending money and to get back into Opticianing.

2. Mark has been doing the 14 days of valentines, and every morning I wake up to a sweet surprise. He is such an amazing man and I wish I didn't take so much of my frustration out on him. 

3. Wade has had huge improvements, he still spits up all day and we are getting use to it, but he has so many more happy pleasant moments. There are now more good days then bad. 

4. Mark got a raise the other day which will help with how expensive life is.

5. Macie's terrible two stage hasn't lasted long and she is such a good girl, she has her moments here and there but what kid doesn't. Overall hanging out with this little girl is pretty fantastic. 

6. With Mark's bonus we got some much needed debt paid off and are so close to being debt free besides a mortgage I can just taste it. 

7. I finally found a half marathon to do on a Saturday. The Millarville half marathon and it looks awesome. Training has been going well, even though the scale is not dropping I am feeling more toned and runs are going so well. The other day I did 6.2 miles in an hour. Almost to that 7 miles in an hour. 

8. Being in the Young Women's Presidency has been an amazing experience. The president is such an amazing women and I love spending time with her, and our girls are seriously the best. I couldn't ask for a more amazing group of Young Women.