Homemade Mac N Cheese

Do you cringe when you whip up that blue cardboard box of KD that you just now is full of so much junk. From powdered cheese to who knows what is in the pasta, because when you make homemade Macaroni you can tell that the pasta is not the same. But it's hard some days you need something quick, filing, and something you know they will devour. Well did you know that there is a super quick homemade version that only takes about 5 minutes longer then the store bought processed preserved crap. All you do is boil some whole grain macaroni pasta or gluten free macaroni pasta. Once soft drain and bring back to the stove. Turn heat to low and add some evaporated milk and some cheddar cheese. Stir and let melt and thicken for about 5-8 minutes then serve and devour. Not saying this is a super healthy meal but sometimes we do need some carbs, especially super busy kids, or sometimes they need comfort food or sometimes we need a simple easy meal. I have definitely not cringed when I see Macie devour every bite of our homemade Mac n cheese over that evil blue box. 

Another year of Preschool

I could have put Macie in kindergarten this year, but with having such a late birth I decided to wait and put her in next year. So this year we are in preschool 3 days a week in the morning. So far she is happy, she was a little sad she didn't have the same teacher and school as last year, but once she got there she was happy and excited to play and learn and of course do crafts.

HARD TIMES!!!!

This post is a little more personal for me, but sometimes I feel writing my thoughts down really helps. I remember the year I really started struggling with life, when my job wasn't going anywhere and we were told we might never get pregnant. For a good year I feel into a bit of a depression, not sure what I wanted to do with my life, eating food to comfort me, watching endless TV instead of  reading books or going for walks. One thing that really helped me get out of that depressed state was when I started my blog, I would write a lot about how I felt and my life. Since making a lot of changes in my life with eating healthier and exercising, trying to read more and do more with my time then waste it, things have been going really well. I was on a super high after having Macie she was such a good baby and I was in such good shape and feeling so good and healthy about myself. Me and Mark and Macie were having such a good time together. Then Wade came along, he was a difficult baby and is not the easiest toddler ( but what toddler is) However I never felt depressed at all when Wade was a baby, times were hard and difficult and I had a lot of frustrating moments, but I still felt happy and good inside and still had desires to be active, play with the kids, try to live my life the best I could. When we moved to Cold Lake though something changed in me a little bit, not because we don't like it here, we do we really love it here. I think those two months being alone with the kids is what started it all and not knowing anyone and not really even knowing the town and all it had to offer. After those two months were up and Mark was back living with us, and we moved into our new house, started making friends, started feeling settled, started training for our half marathon, things were improving. I could still feel that something wasn't 100% right with me, I still felt a little sad at times, and wasn't quit as motivated in life. I kept brushing it aside and told myself to snap out of it and start being better. I would make work out goals, reading goals, goals of things to do with the kids. I would follow through with sum and not with others. Then in May Mark started his new job of being away every other week and I got pregnant, it was mostly unexpected and not really planned but after a week of freaking out I finally got excited about it. Then not even a week later I started spotting, I wasn't to nervous as I spotted with both Macie and Wade. Since not having a Doctor up here I decided to go the hospital just to be safe and get things checked out. When they did the Ultrasound I was about 6 1/2 weeks pregnant and there was no sign of the baby. They tested my blood and I had high levels of HCG so they knew I was pregnant but said there is a good chance it died right away as we can't see anything on the Ultrasound. Buy the next day I started spotting heavily and knew I for sure had lost the baby. Overall I was doing pretty good, Mark was at home when it all happened. It was nice to have him here for that. I felt OK and was doing pretty good. Then all of a sudden things took a turn for the worse, Mark left to go back to work and within the matter of a day I felt almost like a huge dark cloud come over me. I felt so sad, mad, depressed. I wanted to be happy and just brush it aside, like I usually can but I couldn't. I didn't want to do anything, see anyone. I wanted to just lie in my bed all day and not be responsible for life. Thankfully I had two kids though who made me have to get out of my bed and take care of them. I didn't understand what was going on with my mood. I have never felt this way before. That whole week without Mark was tough but I pushed through and somehow me and the kids made it. I think it helped that it was such beautiful weather that I could take the kids to the beach everyday. Mark got back and that helped having him there to talk to and help with the kids. I could still feel that dark cloud over me though, then Mark would leave for work again and the cloud would get darker. After a couple weeks of this and doing some research I realized I had Post Partum Depression, I didn't think this was possible with a miscarriage, but it is. Things have improved each week as I think my hormones are starting to settle down, but can still feel that cloud there a bit. These past couple of days we have been sick with the stomach flu, especially Wade so we have been in hibernation in our house, and Mark is away at work and I have been struggling a big again.  This experience has definitely been a humbling one for me. Knowing I am vulnerable to something that is so hard to control. Even though I have had times in my past were I have been sad/depressed and I think everyone has been there, and everyone has a right to be there. We all go though hard times, and all can be sad and have difficult moments. There was a big difference between those sad/depressed moments, I could still control myself better, I could pull myself out of those moments better. These feelings I had after my miscarriage were so over powering on me. They were so hard to control. I am so grateful though for my Saviour, I definitely didn't pray to him and ask for his strength and help as much as I should have. But I could and can still feel his love there. I am also so grateful for my children. I have definitely not been a great mom these past 3 months, but they have still loved me. I am hoping to go and see a therapist soon, as I did after my first miscarriage and it was such a good experience, being able to talk to an unbiased person about it. She helped me so much and am hoping to have that again. Also with writing more in my blog about it, will hopefully help as well. And getting back on a routine with life. Macie in school, kids in extra curricular activities. These things are good for me. I like having things to do and getting out of my house. Setting goals really helps me as well. In general I am a pretty motivated person so give me some goals, a list of things to do and I will get them done. So as it is my 32nd Birthday today (yikes I am getting old) I hope to see a big change for the good over the next year. Get back in shape, get back into learning and baking healthy recipes, get back into doing good things with the kids, get back into reading books and turning off the TV, and getting my endometriosis under control again, it has been reeking havoc since the miscarriage and since putting on some weight. I love my life and I love being Happy, time to get back to being Happy.

Photo Dump!!

My two Blondies

It still amazes me everyday that I have such blonde children. Summer time gets even crazier with Wade going literally white. I just have to get a prediction of mine it writing though. I do see in the future though Wade having brown hair, maybe like a light brown and Macie staying more Blonde. Most parents when in conversation say that there kid had white hair like Wade and then it lightened up as they got Older. Wade also came out with dark brown hair when we has born, and again have heard that a lot, where there kid started out brown, it fell out then came in white blonde, then over time it went back to dark brown. Where Macie on the other hand has been blonde since day one. As well her hair doesn't Change as much in the summer and doesn't go as light. She might darken up a bit over time but I foresee her being a dirty blonde, and having way lighter hair then Wade. I guess we will just have to wait and see. Either way I love there white blonde hair right now. 

Bears Hump!!!

We wanted to do this hike last year, but after a small simple 1 KM hike with Wade last year and him having a huge meltdown we decided to hold off on it. This summer though was gonna be the year. We went on a bunch of hikes here in Cold Lake at the provincial Park and tried to find some ones with hills as Bears Hump in Watertone is pretty much straight up hill. Our morning started off a bit rusty as we forgot our wallets when we hit mountain view and had to go back to Glenwood to get them. But after that one hick up we got there and waited for our friend Rusty to come with his three kids. We started hiking up Bears Hump around 11:00. Macie was so excited and ready to rock it. She did the whole hike with not one compliant and hiked as hard and fast as she could. I was so proud of her. Wade did pretty good until he had a fall and scraped his knee. Mark then had to carry him for about 5 mins but then he got back down and worked hard the rest of the way up. The top of the Mountain was beautiful and you could see the pride in all the kids knowing they accomplished something hard. The way down was a breeze and we rewarded the kids with being able to pick out a toy from one of the stores. I love challenging the kids to do hard things and seeing the joy in there faces when they accomplish them. 

ALL BY MYSELF!!!!

If you where to ask a Mom what she would like more then anything, I think a typical answer is a day off. A day to not have to be so in control of our tempers, a day off from cleaning the same messes over and over again, a day to not make our kids lives magical, fun, healthy, exciting, educational, active. Not that we don't love doing these things, it can just be exhausting doing it every day all day long, but we do it because we love these little kiddos so much. Upon further investigation though I have come to learn that lots of Moms say they would like a day off from all of this, but in there own house. A day to clean and it stays clean, a long bubble bath with no interruptions, eating your supper when it is still hot, cruising the internet without feeling guilty that you are neglecting the little ones. While I got to live that dream, and not only for a day but have been going on day 6 and have 3 more to go. I'm not gonna lie, it has been awesome. It is crazy how I have all this extra time, but my house stays clean so I don't have to clean it as much, the laundry doesn't pile up everyday, and you don't need to cook three huge meals everyday. I've got to go for huge long walks with my puppies, some awesome runs during the day with no stroller to push, got to get ready for work in peace and quiet and not rush out after work to pick up kids from the sitters. I have been able to blare the music, and the music I wanna listen to, and also enjoy some peaceful moments to just sit and think. All of it has been wonderful and was definitely something I was needing, however I am missing that amazing family of mine so much it is insane. It is crazy how no matter how good or bad of a day we can have at home with the kids, nothing brings more Joy then a hug or kiss from our kids, sharing laughs and tears with them. Days off our great, but if I had to choose between never having a day off while I raise my kids and while I guess not having children, I would pick my kids every time. Cant not wait for Sunday and getting to see my family again, and the huge hugs and kisses I will be getting.

side note: I am so grateful for FaceTime and even though I can't be with my family right now, that I still get to talk to my kids and hubby everyday, and see there beautiful faces.

Architects in the Making!!!

I got the getting outside, feeding them healthy, reading books, colouring/crafts thing down pretty good. But just to sit and play with the kids and imagine with them I sometimes struggle in that area. For some reason though when we pull out the Lego blocks I can always think of a super fun thing for the kids to build and play with. Today was a Zoo. We had 4 different sections. Africa, Ocean, Dinosaur and random creatures that would be eaten if they had to live with Dinoasurs or Tigers. The project took almost 40 minutes and the play only lasted about 30, but it was a great time. Then of course when Me and Macie were not looking, Wade like usuall had to go and destroy it. Macie will be the Architect of the family and Wade the bomb expert on how to blow up a building. 

I Find it Kind of Odd!!!

It all started with Macie's blocked tear duct, we had to see specialists because it was not going away, thankfully a month before we were going to have to go in for another appointment and probably book for surgery it went away. Then around 14 months she got pink eye (conjunctivitis), then Wade needed his turn. Getting bit buy a Dog right on his eye, stabbing his eye with a Dinasour tale getting a subconjunctival hemorrhage. Then this week Wade's eyes started getting really goopy and full of yellow junk, then turned red, I took him to the Optometrist and he confirmed conjunctivitis. While there I also had him check Macie's eyes as hers where puffy and I thought she might be catching what Wade had. Instead we talked about her having seasonal allergies and very dry eyes. He said hers are quite bad and we might need to put her on an eye drop for life. Really I thought what are the odds of me working in the eye world and my kids although nothing serious have had all these little eye problems. I wonder if there are lots of little stories like this of adults that work in the health care industry and have kids that have problems in there field. Anyways here's to hopping Macies eyes will look better next week after being on drops that he won't want to put her on drops for life. How annoying would that be, and kind of expensive. 

Photo dump!!!