I find in my life that I am a pretty happy person in general, however today I seem to have the blues. It does not help that I am getting a little bit of a cold, so I was not able to enjoy all of church and the beautiful weather God blessed us with today, however I think there is another reason.
When Mark and I first found out we told nobody, expect my parents, however it seems like I tell more and more people everyday. Why I don't know it really just makes it harder, but at the same time I can't keep acting like everything is great. Don't get me wrong I really do love my life, my job, my husband, my wonderful puppies, and the list goes on and on of the incredible life my Heavenly Father has given me. However I think I finally had that break down today when you really realize the thing you want most in life is not happening and you don't know if it is ever going to happen. I know if I really wanted to I can keep putting on that same smile everyday that I always do, thinking life is wonderful, Mark and I are having so much fun doing whatever we want, and my puppies make me happy enough, but I know deep down it is not true, and that if I keep living like this I will eventually break one day.
I am so sorry to be posting such a sad post today and I don't want anybody to think I am going crazy and am depressed, because I promise I am really not, I just think I have finally realized, I need to stop having such an oh well attitude to the fact that we don't have any children and start really looking into what Mark and I can do. I truly have been selfish, enjoying the money, the trips, the toys. Thinking if it happens it happens, not any more, if it comes down to it I will sell it all to pay 15,000 for invitro or 10,000 to adopt. It is worth every penny. My Life is Great and I am so blessed, but I can't just sit back and think if the Lord wants it to happen it will happen. Mark and I need to do all that we can to make it happen. For my friends that read this post, for those of you who didn't now know now Mark and I are having problems, please don't ask me what problems, ask me so how are things going in getting pregnant, or looking into adoption. This will hopefully only be recieved with positive feedback as the other question is always negative.
I apologize if I offended anyone with this post or some found it to personal, but it felt good to say and I am excited to start really looking into what we can do.
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My heart goes out to you. I've seen the hurt that comes from waiting so long for a baby within my extended family. I have had joy with my brother's family as they've adopted 4 beautiful children and I've seen the joy of families in my ward that have succeeded with invitro. If you want to visit my sister-in-laws blog (who has adopted 4 children at birth) go to http://christalbevans.blogspot.com/2009/10/thankful-thursday.html
ReplyDeleteThat links to a particular post that helped me understand her and many other people struggling with the same thing a lot better.
My prayers will be with you and Mark.
{{hugs}}
ReplyDelete... always here for you, what ever you need.
(adoption thru the Church is capped at 5k)
L
I have a few friends that have gone through (or are going through) the same thing. I'm so sorry! We just went last weekend to the sealing of our new nephew. Scott's brother and his wife adopted him 6 months ago - it was seriously one of the coolest experiences. They went through LDS family services and have an open adoption (which is also really amazing). I know you guys will figure out what you need to do - you'll be a great Mom :)
ReplyDeletethank you everybody for your advice, love, and concerns.
ReplyDelete